When the Hook is Empty

2014 was an amazing Christmas. My storybook English cottage home was filled with all of the warmth and idyllic rituals of the holidays: dogs opening their X-Mas presents, baking dog cookies and of course hanging the dog’s stockings by the chimney with care. It was an odd Midwestern winter with temps that topped the high 50’s on Christmas Day, which necessitated a hearty game of dead grass tennis ball vs. snow ball. A cacophony of chirping puppies filled my home along with their vocally opinionated elder statesmen, Phoebe and Devo. It was one of the best Christmases ever, little did I know mere months later my two pack leaders would be gone.

As anyone that has lost a beloved pet knows, the aftermath of grief is debilitating. I was numb for most of 2015 until the commercial stabbing of that year’s holiday season served a painful reminder that loss was my new normal. I couldn’t taste the flavor of festive foods let alone the flavor of life. It was a bland existence amongst the tinsel of holiday tidings without Phoebe and Devo.

I could have retreated into a hole of depression, and on some level, I probably did. But, I forced myself to forge ahead for the three souls that were left in my charge: Lady Gaga, Elvis and Wizard. And, I embraced a different kind of Christmas. It wasn’t the same without Devo bullying every other dog for their presents, or without Phoebe as my fireplace shadow and foot warmer, but it wasn’t bleak either.

I made myself adopt new traditions that included visiting the town square’s holiday festival, Christmas Eve bully sticks and lighting two candles in remembrance. The hardest thing was my continual gaze at the empty spaces where Phoebe and Devo’s stockings would have hung. That negative space served a constant reminder they were gone.

The first Christmas is the worst Christmas after the loss of a loved one. It feels like you are getting through it more than anything else. Each year after is a little better, until you can eventually lose yourself in fond memories without Sad Santa misting your eyes.

I know a lot of my FB friends have empty hooks this year where the stocking of a beloved pet would have hung. For them, it will be a different kind of Christmas. I wish anyone coping with the grief of loss to have peace in their heart and mind this holiday season. For those of us on the back end of bereavement, please reach out to someone that may be suffering. A kind word of support can help to ease a broken spirit and make the season bright.

Wishing everyone a joyous holiday season and Happy New Year ahead!

Kimberly